Discovering the Wonder of the Cross

My years at Christian Television Association were very fulfilling. Nothing was more exciting than seeing the Gospel message go out across the nation and being involved in it, both in performing and producing and also in the general office work during the week. Though Sunday was the main day for the programs to be aired (mostly "live") I was able to go to church in the mornings, so my Christian life stablised.

I use that word "stablised" both positively and negatively. For, although I was firm in my faith in the Lord, I was also becoming very dissatisfied. What caused this dissatisfaction was a plan I formed (which, of course, turned out to be the instrument the Lord used). I had a great idea one day (at least I thought it was) to write a movie script based on the life of Paul, the apostle. I had never really read the book of Acts through. I thought it was just a record of history, and therefore would be boring to read. But to write about Paul I knew I needed to read it. So I set myself to the task. I was totally unprepared for the effect it would have on me. As I read it, I was amazed at the lives of those early believers. The more I read the more I realized I was nothing like them. I was a believer. I loved the Lord. But I did not have the joy, the victory, or the power that I saw in their lives. Something was wrong. Something was missing.

I began to cry out to the Lord,

"Lord, if this is all the Christian life is I may as well give it up."

It was the expression of desperation. I did not really mean I would give up the Lord. But I knew there had to be more than I was experiencing. I was in my room alone at the time, sitting on my bed. In front of me was my bookshelf. My eyes fell on one of the books and, as clearly as could be, the Lord spoke to my heart - "Read that book". It was a book I had bought sometime before when a visiting missionary had come to the church. He had shared how he "lived by faith". I had felt sorry for him so at the end of the meeting bought one of the books he was selling at the back of the church - to "help him out", I thought. I had no intention of reading it. I'd put it on my bookshelf where it had been sitting, gathering dust. The book was "CT Studd", the story of the founder of WEC International. I picked it up and began to read and my life was never to be the same again.

I could not put the book down. Even in my lunch-hour at work I would read it. One day, lunch was over and I was reading it as I walked down the busy street of North Sydney back to the office. I had come to the part where CT Studd, a missionary in China at the time, was leading a meeting with the other missionaries. They were singing the great old hymn "Stand up, stand up for Jesus, ye soldiers of the Cross". CT Studd said,

"We're already standing up. Let's show the Lord we really mean it. Let's all stand on our chairs and sing it".

All the missionaries got up on their chairs to sing - except one. He was disgusted at the behaviour. As I read, I was too. I thought to myself, I agree with that missionary. I wouldn't stand up on my chair. I continued reading as I walked, undistracted by the busy traffic on the road or the pedestrians passing by. The next chapter told the account of some of the missionaries travelling by boat down the river. The girl who was later to become CT Studd's wife was standing on deck. The missionary who had refused to stand on his chair joined her and asked her a question that was to hit hard at my heart as I read it..."Why is it that I don't have the joy that you and the other missionaries have?"

"Yes, Lord" I interrupted my reading, "that's what I want to know. Why don't I have that joy?"

The girl's reply was a direct arrow to my heart. "Are you willing to do anything for Jesus?" I stopped reading.

"I don't know" I thought. "I don't know if I'm willing to do anything."

As I walked down the road I then prayed a prayer that I now suggest to others never to pray unless you really mean it. I was about to get the quickest answer to prayer I have ever had.

"Lord, please show me anything I am not willing to do for you."

At the exact moment the words were out my heart I passed by a hotel filled with men drinking beer.

"Go in there" the Lord spoke clearly to my heart, "and tell those men about Me."

My reply? No hesitation. "Lord, thank you for showing me something I'm not willing to do."

That moment began an earnest, focused seeking of the Lord for me. I now knew what the problem was and I wanted to be willing to do anything for Him. I was scheduled to go to a young people's camp in a few weeks so I set my eyes firmly on that. "I will find the answer there," I determined.

I can honestly say I was the only young person that got anything out of the camp. My friends were all complaining how boring it was. But my life was transformed. I sat on the edge of my chair at every word the speaker spoke. He was sharing a truth from Romans chapter 6 that had just become revelation to him. How Jesus had not only died for our sins so that we could be forgiven for what we had done and have eternal life, but that we had died in Christ. Our "old man" - the person we were outside of Christ - had died with Him 2000 years ago so that we could now walked in "newness of life", a whole "new creation" in Him. "It's the Gospel for Christians" he said. I could hardly contain my excitement as I left the camp. I knew it was the answer. "Make it reality to me, Lord" was now my prayer.

Three months went by. I had not lost the focus. My prayer had continued all through that time. "Make it real to me, Lord". I was walking home from work, still expressing this to the Lord, when I came to a certain spot in my walk where every day I would stop and look over the view. It was on a hill and from that place I could see across the beautiful Sydney harbour. Every day I would stop there for a few minutes. This day, as I enjoyed the view, the Lord spoke very clearly to my heart.

"Kneel!" Just one word.

Again, "Kneel!"

It was a bright, sunny day. Houses were all around. "Lord, I can't kneel" I said.

I don't know how long I argued with the Lord. But over and over again would come that one word, "Kneel!"

Finally I said, "Lord, I can't kneel. What if someone should see me?"

As clearly as could be came the words to my heart - "There! That is what must go!"

I knew then the Lord was dealing with my fear of what other people would think of me. I was just about to kneel when a woman walked down the side street close to where I was. I pulled myself up and said "'Wait, Lord. Wait until she has gone by and then I'll kneel". Again that clear word - "You kneel because she's going by!"

The joy that filled my heart as I obeyed the Lord is beyond description. It was overwhelming. I got up from my knees a totally different person. The words of Paul in Galatians 2:20 rang in my heart....

"I am crucified with Christ. Nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ lives in me. And the life I now live, I live by the faith of the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me."

The joy and victory I had seen in the early Christians as I read the Book of Acts, and that I had longed for, had now become a reality. I was to learn of the power not long after. But that will be another post.